Bring the Pain!

Jan 2012

I'm standing in front of the gym mirror, my back and shoulders are throbbing from the workout I just put them through.  The burn is so intense that all I can do is stand still for a few minutes until it subsides.  It's a familiar pain that I've missed and all I can think is that "I'm back!"

That's right, the old me is coming back!  The girl that thrives on muscles burning and sweat dripping down my face is finally starting to feel like herself again- and it feels great! 

Back & shoulders:

• 3 sets: neutral grip pull ups, 10 reps each (unassisted)
• 3 sets: wide pull downs super set with heavy shoulder press (6-8 reps)
• 3 sets: incline dumbbell rows (8 reps) super set with incline 1 arm lateral raises and 2 arm lateral burnouts with static holds (shoulder height hold until failure)
• 3 sets: bent over barbell rows (8 reps) super set with pec dec rear delt drop sets
• "Cardio finisher": 3 sets: renegade rows (10 ea side) super set with military press (20 reps)

That's the type of workout I would normally put myself through and not having been able to do that for the past few months really put me into a serious funk.  I've spent the last few months "working on me" and doing that has been a huge challenge.  As a personal trainer and competition coach, I spend my days motivating clients and helping them push past those barriers that are holding them back from getting to their goals.  Having been so tired and sluggish for so long has made my job difficult to do.  How do you motivate someone when you aren't motivated yourself?

I've had to go against what seems burned into my brain and just listen to my body.  If you've ever had a weight loss goal or ever been on a challenging journey, then you understand how hard it can be to tone down the ignorant voices in your head.  There's a super fine line between over training and doing just enough.  I've probably been over training for years now, but I never chose to listen to what my body was telling me.  Instead of letting myself rest and recover, I pushed through the pain, the zomie-like symptoms, and ignored the irritability I was constantly showing to my family.  Finally ending up with Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome gave me the wake up call I really needed.


Feb 2013

I must say that taking some time off to heal my body and toning down my workouts for that relatively short amount of time has made all the difference in my recovery process.   I am now looking forward taking 2013 off of competing and really focusing on our clients' success.  For so many years I've been consumed with my own fitness journey.  I knew that I was neglecting my husband and step-kids, but I was somehow able to push my feelings of guilt to the side.  Admitting that I was selfish and self-absorbed is hard, but necessary for me to become a better wife and mom.  The stage will still be there in 2014 and I intend to rock it...but turning the spotlight off of me and onto some of our clients may be just what the doctor ordered!  The best is yet to come!

Who's Elmer Fudd?

Comp season prep 2011

If you've been following my blog at all for the last couple of months, then you know how I've been feeling lately.  I waited weeks for my saliva test to come back (after having to redo a sample due to it not having enough saliva on it) and, not surprisingly, I have Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome.  My cortisol levels are extremely low in the morning and at night which (from what I understand) is keeping me from getting recuperative sleep.  Put those cortisol levels with a low thyroid, high liver enzymes, and you've just got a mess!  So I'm now armed with vitamins and supplements to aid in my "recovery".  From what I've read, it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to feel better!  Not cool!

Despite my AFS, I've still been weightlifting 4-5 days per week.  I focus on lifting heavy, but if I don't feel well or am just too tired, I now opt to take a nap instead.  What scares me most is losing all the muscle that I've worked so hard to build naturally...and that I won't be able to step on stage again.  When you have such a huge passion for something and it suddenly feels totally out of reach, your spirit begins to crack.  That's what I'm going through right now.  My husband and I train competitors every day.  I've always prided myself on being in their shoes and empathizing with their struggles.  But now, I'm learning to take the focus off of my own competition journey and am instead focusing on getting them to "the next level".   My husband willingly gave up competing back in 2009.  He simply stopped wanting to do it and never had the desire to step on stage again.  But I feel like I've been forced out of competing and am now struggling with feeling "broken".  It seems like I went from the Energizer Bunny to Elmer Fudd overnight! 

I've been on my vitamins and supplements for about a week now.  The vitamins range from Complex B vitamins and Vitamin C to Biotin and Progesterone.  At least feel like I've started a plan of attack for this "syndrome", but I'm sure I'll be emailing my doc this week for some more guidance and suggestions.  I plan to take up yoga again to help deal with my stress since meditation is supposed to be a good place to start this healing process.



Off season 2011

I will say that after I posted my last blog, I was surprised by how many people have also suffered from Adrenal Fatigue.  It really doesn't surprise me in our sport or in this fitness lifestyle.  We tend to push our bodies to the limit; never taking a rest or break from the weightlifting/cardio/diet regimen.  What I'm learning now is that our bodies speak to us every day about what's going on with our "insides".  What we need to do though, is start listening to what it's telling us!

Here is a larger list of symptoms for Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome.  My advice is to start listening to your body before you get to the point where all you want to do is sleep...

Signs and Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue:
■Tendency to gain weight and unable to lose it, especially around the waist.
■High frequency of getting the flu and other respiratory diseases and these symptoms tend to last longer than usual.
■Tendency to tremble when under pressure.
■Reduced sex drive.
■Lightheaded when rising from a horizontal position.
■Unable to remember things.
■Lack of energy in the mornings and in the afternoon between 3 to 5 pm.
■Feel better suddenly for a brief period after a meal.
■Often feel tired from 9 - 10 pm, but resist going to bed.
■Need coffee or stimulants to get going in the morning.
■Cravings for salty, fatty, and high protein food such as meat and cheese.
■Increased symptoms of PMS for women; periods are heavy and then stop, or are almost stopped on the 4th day, only to start flow again on the 5th or 6th day.
■Pain in the upper back or neck with no apparent reason.
■Feels better when stress is relieved, such as on a vacation.
■Difficulties in getting up in the morning.
■Lightheaded.

Other signs and symptoms include:
■Mild depression
■Food and or inhalant allergies
■Lethargy and lack of energy
■Increased effort to perform daily tasks
■Decreased ability to handle stress
■Dry and thin skin
■Hypoglycemia
■Low body temperature
■Nervousness
■Palpitation
■Unexplained hair loss
■Alternating constipation and diarrhea
■Dyspepsia

Tired much?

 

1st contest, 2008.

I've always considered myself a very optimistic and determined person.  Anytime someone has told me I couldn't do something, I jumped into it headfirst.  I once had a trainer at a gym tell me (when I was overweight) that I couldn't get in shape on my own.  That was all I needed to hear.  I decided to prove him wrong and after entering my first bodybuilding show, I felt I had.  Athough my determination is what has contributed to my success; it also has become a fault of mine.  I began competing in 2008 and never took a break until May of this year.  But even on my so called "break" I bust my butt in gym 5-6 days a week striving to become a top pro competitor in this sport of bodybuilding/ women's physique.  I lift hard and push heavy weights with the determination of a little pit bull.  I want gains and the only way I know I can get those naturally is to push, push, push...  

The night before contest 2012.

But what happens when my body disgrees with my new regimen?  Being a competitive bodybuilder, I have a deep connection with my body and how it's feeling.  Using that mind to muscle connection has given me insight into how it's feeling and what may be lagging.  but, lately my body has just been giving me the middle finger...meaning that it's tired and something is wrong!  I usually come home from the gym feeling uplifted and excited about my progress, but lately I leave there feeling defeated and run into the ground.  You know that surge of energy you get from working out and feeling strong?  Well I haven't gotten that in a while.  In fact, I'd rather sleep than workout.  That's a sure sig that something's is wrong!

So I went to see a women's hormone specialist.  My husband found this women through one our clients that had similar symptoms as I have: extreme tiredness (even after a full night's sleep), irritability, forgetfulness, aches and pains all over, and weight gain despite my good diet.  I called this doctor the minute he gave me the phone number and have since seen her and done some blood and saliva tests.  The first culprit was low thyroid and I'm waiting on the final results for my second test for Andrenal Fatigue Syndrome.  My doc told me to check out Dr. Lam's website and read up on AFS so I would have a better understanding as to what my body is going through.  Dr. Lam says that, "Adrenal Fatigue is a decrease in the adrenal glands ability to carry out its normal function. The chief symptoms are fatigue, excitability, or depression.  Adrenal Fatigue is commonly caused by chronic stress from any source (including emotional, physical, mental, or environmental) that exceeds the body's capacity to adjust appropriately to the demands placed on it by stress. It is a condition that afflicts children as well as adults. It can be diagnosed by laboratory tests, if only the physician pays greater attention".  After reading up on this syndrome, I realized that sounded just like me!  I had every symptom he mentioned...

I wrote this blog to call attention to something I feel may be prevalent in the fitness community- not just bodybuilders.  So many blogs I read are about how great training's going, how much they've leaned out, and how they can't wait to step on stage.  But for me, I use this blog to share what's really going on- whether it's good or bad.  I'd never heard about AFS until a friend on Facebook commented on one of my posts.  I mentioned how tired I was after waking up in the morning and he told me to Google "Adrenal fatigue".  It's crazy to think that I was having an energy shot at 5am, an energy drink at 9am, green tea at noon, a pre-workout drink at 2 pm, and I still wanted a nap!  I've since quit drinking caffeine and my head's been pounding for over a week now, but I'm hoping they will subside soon.  I figure that ridding my body of extra stimulation is a good thing right now so it can start repairing itself. And, after I see just how bad my Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome is, I can work on feeling better and getting back into the sport I love!  But for now, I think I'll go take a nap...

 

When competition training goes wrong...

I'm writing my blog this week not only as a bodybuilder, but as a coach.  Normally I enjoy writing about my personal experiences as a competitor in training, but this week I felt compelled to talk about the struggles a competitor faces and my perspective as coach/trainer.  I know first-hand the obstacles and the emotions that one faces during competition prep and that they are often just brushed under the rug- never to be delt with...

My comp prep 2011.

I understand that food cravings play a major role in sabotaging the "leaning-out" phase of the competition diet.  I personally have dealt with these cravings every season since I began competing in 2008. But, I have learned how to curb those cravings through creative cooking and food experimentation.  I believe that as a coach it is important for me to share my findings with clients, but I admit that there are some things for which I simply don't have a solution.  I have personally learned how to avoid cheating on my competition diet plan by doing several things: 1. Redirecting my attention to another activity that doesn't involve eating (cleaning, drawing, exercising, etc) 2. Having non-calorie sweet treats (flavored teas/waters, Walden Farms sauces, chewing gum, etc) 3. If none of those things work, I go ahead and split up my next meal (if I have one left) to stretch the food out a little longer.  For those clients who succumb to their cravings, we usually have a "come to Jesus" meeting where they can "come clean" about their endulgences and re-evaluate their competition goals with me and my husband .  Depending on how close they are to a contest, we'll either recommend that they tighten things up immediately or we tell them to not compete at all.  Believe me, telling a client who's been prepping for 3 months that they shouldn't compete in the next couple of weeks is terribly difficult- but absolutely necessary!


Me watching my client practice her posing backstage.

That's why having a coach can be a very important factor in your competition prep experience.  Many stage hopefuls need brutal honesty when they otherwise won't get it.  What husband (besides mine) is going to tell his wife to not compete because she's not lean enough? It's my job as a coach is to "tell it like it is" no matter how hard it is for me to do it!  At almost every contest I sit in the audience wondering, 'Why do some people even got on stage?"  I know that may sound ruthless, but I have a critical eye and I feel that's what makes me, and my husband, great coaches.  I know that I would want someone to tell me to hold off on competiting if I wasn't physically ready!  Now as for the mental aspect of competing, that's something that only a competitor can work out.  I have tried every trick in the book to help people overcome their anxieties about getting on stage, but if a client's not mentally ready I can't do anything about that.  This is an individual sport.  We do it for various reasons like: proving something to ourselves, controlling existing food addictions, or simply needing a reason to get in awesome shape.  Regardless of the competitor's reason, it's an individual accomplishment.

Mike and me with our client.

With that said, here's is some advice to anyone new to the sport or simply struggling with their dedication to it:

1. Hire a reputable coach!  Ask other competitors who their coaches are and interview them to see if it's a good fit.  We all have different training styles and if their style doesn't work eith your personality, then you'll be miserable!  Also, you need a coach who's not afraid to tell you to refrain from competing until you're both physically and mentally ready.
2. Get in front of as many people as possible (in your swim suit- or competition suit) to practice your mandatory poses and your stage routines.  Practice makes perfect- especially if it's in front of lots of people!

Mike and me at the IFBB Pro Physique Grand Prix in LA, 2012.

3. Create a plan to help with cravings and potential moments of diet weakness (parties, weekend getaways, movies, work retreats, etc) and share that plan with your significant other and/or friends. If you have no plan, then you WILL fail!  Share the issues you may be having and let them encourage you and help you through it. Go ahead and let them hide the candy from you!
4. Take all criticism in stride.  People will tell you that you're too thin, that you need to eat because what you're doing is "unhealthy".  People won't understand why you are always working out or why you can't go out to eat- or why you bring your own food when you do go out.  All of those comments are results of ignorance about our sport, and it will all cease when they see you on stage- guaranteed!

If you have questions or need help with your competition prep or posing, feel free to contact us.  www.IronAddictionTraining.com.

Change does a body (and mind) good!

So the last time I wrote this blog I was in a tough place, one that I haven't ever really been in before.  I was feeling a little lost and beating myself up almost every day.  Since I last wrote, my life seems to be settling into a more comfortable routine.  I've found a new spark for my workouts and am feeling the fire of motivation igniting from within.  So what's changed?  To put it simply, I have.

One of the reasons that I began writing this blog is to release pent my up feelings and anxiety.  I needed a place to vent my frustrations and talk about my life as a competitor, wife, and (step) mom.  I've never been the type to have a bunch of girlfriends to gossip and cry with, so I use this as a type of self-counseling.  I used to pick up paper and pencils and draw out my frustrations, but I find writing to be very therapeutic too.  I don't even know if people actually read this non-sense, but that doesn't really matter to me anyways.  In writing these blogs I'm able to sort out my feelings and organize all the crazy thoughts in my head.  One characteristic that is common in every competitor is the need for organization and structure.  I have always prided myself on being a laid back kind of gal, not really stressing over the small stuff, and living life with an optimistic attitude.  That being said, I have since realized that I am only that way when I have structure and clarity in my life. 

I just recently decided that I needed to take control of my life, my health, and my future as a competitor.  I'd been feeling down and out about my weight gain since my April 2012 contest (20 lbs!) and the chaos (although minimal) I was feeling around the personal areas of my life.  I did a major clean up of my life: both emotionally and physically.  I cleaned my house top to bottom, organized my family's personal and business finances, and also revised my diet and workout regimes.  With all of these changes I felt like I was purging the negative energy in my life and allowing the positive energy to come in.  I know that sounds earthy and bohemian, but it's what I needed to do to get my "old" self back! 

I feel so much better about my business and where it's going, I feel better about my marriage, and I now have a renewed passion for the sport I fell in love with 6 years ago!  I look forward to competing in my next IFBB WPD show, but I'm not going to rush into it.  I decided instead to not pressure myself and enjoy the holidays.  I'm going to eat a "real" Christmas dinner and maybe even take a vacation where I can actually relax.  Every year I've rushed myself into doing the first show of the year in my area, but this year, I'm going to listen to my body and let myself put on the quality size I need to succeed in my division!  I'm gearing up for 2013 but definitely not rushing it...and that feels great :-)

It's all a balancing act!

We all have good days and bad days.  This growth season has had its share of both for me.  I've experienced really bad times where I just want to sit alone crying and then I've had those days where I feel like myself again.  Part of me thinks that it's hormones, but part of it is also the turmoil some competitors feel when they've finished their season.  I tried to explain these feelings to my husband with little success.  I explained to him that I was feeling a bit lost right now and that I wasn't sure how to live a "normal life."  He quickly replied to my statement with, "I thought the kids and I would be enough."  That made me feel like a horrible wife and step-mom.  All of these years I've focused on my competition schedule, my cardio, food prep, and all the things that would lead to success at my next contest- not realizing that my priorities have been a little twisted. 

For a young single competitor, life must be pretty simple.  There are no kids' activity schedules to work around or a life-partner to answer to...just a straight and narrow path to the stage.  But for those of us with businesses to run, kids to shuttle around, and husbands or wives to mollify, we have quite the balancing act to perform.  I've realized over my longer break or growth season (as I'm now referring to it) that competing should not encompass my life as it has in the past.  I think part of my recent moodiness comes from the realization of how selfish I've been and that I may have neglected important aspects of my life.  My "feeling lost" came from my readjustment into a more "normal life" where cardio is not a top priority and where workouts are tough but can be moved to a different day if necessary, and having no answer to the question "When's your next competition?"  While many people may think I should feel liberated, I actually felt uncomfortable and out of sorts.  I haven't liked gaining weight, feeling my clothes tighten around my 118 lbs frame, andI've found that not having such a strict regime is a little unnerving as well.  But now, I am finally getting my balance again. 

With all of these feelings I've been having, my husband decided to reduce my calorie intake and increase my cardio to 20 minutes, 4 days a week, in hopes of finding a happy medium.  Thankfully, the changes seem to be working.  I feel better on the inside- not so sluggish and moody and I look better on the outside (down 2 lbs from 120 lbs and still at 12.7% body fat).  So, I've now put on about 4 lbs of lean mass this last month which I'm thrilled about!  It gives me a reason to stay in this growth season...at least for a while longer.
 

Finding my (inner) strength!

 Who would of thought that putting on the off-season pounds would be so challenging?  Of course physically putting on weight isn't hard, but the mental side of it has been my biggest challenge in a long, long time.  For years I've been so scared to let myself put on weight for fear of putting on too much body fat and then having a terrible time getting it back off again in my next competition season.  But I've realized that there is a line to be drawn here- between putting on too much weight (or fat) and not putting on enough. 

So then the question becomes how much is enough?  I'm actually still trying to figure that one out.  Every 2 weeks my husband tests my body fat to ensure that I'm putting on muscle with a minimal amount fat.  I understand that since I'm a natural competitor I'll have to put on body fat while gaining muscle, but to me its worth it to stay off the "gear".  Meanwhile, my mind is playing games with me daily telling me that I'm getting fat and squishy and that I need to get back on my leaning out plan.  I deal with clients everyday who are going through these types of emotions.  Its an inner battle that I'm in the process of resolving by changing my focus and then hopefully my attitude.

I used to judge my progress by the new cuts I could see or the veins that were starting to peek out from under my skin, but now I've got to find a new way to visualize progress.  I definitely don't want to take progress photos so instead, I've decided to focus on my strength gains.  I think its a great way for me to see progression without focusing completely on my vanity.  Looking down at my belly just now, I see a little pooch forming but those abs supported my back during the 270 lbs hack squat the other day!  And these arms with considerably less definition pushed 55 lbs dumbbells on my incline chest press this week too.  I couldn't ever imagine pushing utilizing that kind of weight while sitting at 99 lbs like I was during my last contest! 

So that's where my focus has gone and that's where I think my focus should reside for the rest of my newly named "growth season".  It's no longer an off-season by any means...just ask my shoulders when they pressed 50 lbs dumbbells last week! Take some advice from me, finding a new focus will help you find a peace within your competitive mind!
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