So the last time I wrote this blog I was in a tough place, one that I haven't ever really been in before. I was feeling a little lost and beating myself up almost every day. Since I last wrote, my life seems to be settling into a more comfortable routine. I've found a new spark for my workouts and am feeling the fire of motivation igniting from within. So what's changed? To put it simply, I have.One of the reasons that I began writing this blog is to release pent my up feelings and anxiety. I needed a place to vent my frustrations and talk about my life as a competitor, wife, and (step) mom. I've never been the type to have a bunch of girlfriends to gossip and cry with, so I use this as a type of self-counseling. I used to pick up paper and pencils and draw out my frustrations, but I find writing to be very therapeutic too. I don't even know if people actually read this non-sense, but that doesn't really matter to me anyways. In writing these blogs I'm able to sort out my feelings and organize all the crazy thoughts in my head. One characteristic that is common in every competitor is the need for organization and structure. I have always prided myself on being a laid back kind of gal, not really stressing over the small stuff, and living life with an optimistic attitude. That being said, I have since realized that I am only that way when I have structure and clarity in my life.
I just recently decided that I needed to take control of my life, my health, and my future as a competitor. I'd been feeling down and out about my weight gain since my April 2012 contest (20 lbs!) and the chaos (although minimal) I was feeling around the personal areas of my life. I did a major clean up of my life: both emotionally and physically. I cleaned my house top to bottom, organized my family's personal and business finances, and also revised my diet and workout regimes. With all of these changes I felt like I was purging the negative energy in my life and allowing the positive energy to come in. I know that sounds earthy and bohemian, but it's what I needed to do to get my "old" self back! I feel so much better about my business and where it's going, I feel better about my marriage, and I now have a renewed passion for the sport I fell in love with 6 years ago! I look forward to competing in my next IFBB WPD show, but I'm not going to rush into it. I decided instead to not pressure myself and enjoy the holidays. I'm going to eat a "real" Christmas dinner and maybe even take a vacation where I can actually relax. Every year I've rushed myself into doing the first show of the year in my area, but this year, I'm going to listen to my body and let myself put on the quality size I need to succeed in my division! I'm gearing up for 2013 but definitely not rushing it...and that feels great :-)
