It's all a balancing act!

We all have good days and bad days.  This growth season has had its share of both for me.  I've experienced really bad times where I just want to sit alone crying and then I've had those days where I feel like myself again.  Part of me thinks that it's hormones, but part of it is also the turmoil some competitors feel when they've finished their season.  I tried to explain these feelings to my husband with little success.  I explained to him that I was feeling a bit lost right now and that I wasn't sure how to live a "normal life."  He quickly replied to my statement with, "I thought the kids and I would be enough."  That made me feel like a horrible wife and step-mom.  All of these years I've focused on my competition schedule, my cardio, food prep, and all the things that would lead to success at my next contest- not realizing that my priorities have been a little twisted. 

For a young single competitor, life must be pretty simple.  There are no kids' activity schedules to work around or a life-partner to answer to...just a straight and narrow path to the stage.  But for those of us with businesses to run, kids to shuttle around, and husbands or wives to mollify, we have quite the balancing act to perform.  I've realized over my longer break or growth season (as I'm now referring to it) that competing should not encompass my life as it has in the past.  I think part of my recent moodiness comes from the realization of how selfish I've been and that I may have neglected important aspects of my life.  My "feeling lost" came from my readjustment into a more "normal life" where cardio is not a top priority and where workouts are tough but can be moved to a different day if necessary, and having no answer to the question "When's your next competition?"  While many people may think I should feel liberated, I actually felt uncomfortable and out of sorts.  I haven't liked gaining weight, feeling my clothes tighten around my 118 lbs frame, andI've found that not having such a strict regime is a little unnerving as well.  But now, I am finally getting my balance again. 

With all of these feelings I've been having, my husband decided to reduce my calorie intake and increase my cardio to 20 minutes, 4 days a week, in hopes of finding a happy medium.  Thankfully, the changes seem to be working.  I feel better on the inside- not so sluggish and moody and I look better on the outside (down 2 lbs from 120 lbs and still at 12.7% body fat).  So, I've now put on about 4 lbs of lean mass this last month which I'm thrilled about!  It gives me a reason to stay in this growth season...at least for a while longer.
 

Finding my (inner) strength!

 Who would of thought that putting on the off-season pounds would be so challenging?  Of course physically putting on weight isn't hard, but the mental side of it has been my biggest challenge in a long, long time.  For years I've been so scared to let myself put on weight for fear of putting on too much body fat and then having a terrible time getting it back off again in my next competition season.  But I've realized that there is a line to be drawn here- between putting on too much weight (or fat) and not putting on enough. 

So then the question becomes how much is enough?  I'm actually still trying to figure that one out.  Every 2 weeks my husband tests my body fat to ensure that I'm putting on muscle with a minimal amount fat.  I understand that since I'm a natural competitor I'll have to put on body fat while gaining muscle, but to me its worth it to stay off the "gear".  Meanwhile, my mind is playing games with me daily telling me that I'm getting fat and squishy and that I need to get back on my leaning out plan.  I deal with clients everyday who are going through these types of emotions.  Its an inner battle that I'm in the process of resolving by changing my focus and then hopefully my attitude.

I used to judge my progress by the new cuts I could see or the veins that were starting to peek out from under my skin, but now I've got to find a new way to visualize progress.  I definitely don't want to take progress photos so instead, I've decided to focus on my strength gains.  I think its a great way for me to see progression without focusing completely on my vanity.  Looking down at my belly just now, I see a little pooch forming but those abs supported my back during the 270 lbs hack squat the other day!  And these arms with considerably less definition pushed 55 lbs dumbbells on my incline chest press this week too.  I couldn't ever imagine pushing utilizing that kind of weight while sitting at 99 lbs like I was during my last contest! 

So that's where my focus has gone and that's where I think my focus should reside for the rest of my newly named "growth season".  It's no longer an off-season by any means...just ask my shoulders when they pressed 50 lbs dumbbells last week! Take some advice from me, finding a new focus will help you find a peace within your competitive mind!
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Keeping the fire lit...

Ok, I'm putting it out there: current weight- 112 lbs.

Off- season is a tricky time for most competitors.  For many it's a time to eat whatever they want and put on the "fluffy coat" until next season when you try and strip it all off again.  But for me, I'm thinking of it as a time to grow and change my focus a little bit from getting on stage to being a good wife, step-mom, and business owner.  As competitors we tend to put many things on the back burner, including our family, friends, and maybe even our business.  In fact, you don't realize how much you rely on that competition schedule until you don't have it anymore.  You go from eating an exact amount of food at a set time every day, performing cardio for a set length of time certain days of the week, and your scheduled workouts are focused precisely on the areas that need immediate improvement.  But what happens after the contest when that "schedule" is gone?

Me with 2 competitors/clients from the
NANBF Frenso show June 30th.

I've spoken with many competitors and almost all of them are terrified to go off of their competition plan (minus the post contest splurge meal).  The fear of getting fat and reverting back to those old bad habits is terrifying to many.  Believe me, I understand that it's hard to look at the larger person you see in the mirror everyday and feel positive when you see definition fading away.  But as I keep telling myself (I know that if I say it enough that I will start to believe it) this season is my time to grow.  I was thinking about it the other day and realized that I've never actually let my muscles reach their full potential.  It's been for fear of being too big for figure (and physique so I thought).  But now the tables have turned and I've gotten the green light from judges and husband/trainer that it's okay for me to put on some size!  I'm starting to look forward to it now and anxious to see what I can do with my physique!

Mike & I with our client at the
NANBF show in Fresno June 30th.

My husband and I workout together and already we've switched up our workouts (which admittedly are designed around me) a couple of times to find what's going to make my muscles grow.  This is relatively new territory for my body so it's going to take some trial and error to get the right formula.  I've been sitting at 112 lbs for about 4 weeks now, so we decided that it was time to change up my food and workouts.  We'd been going heavy 8-12 reps or so, but I can feel that my body needs more of a shock.  How can I tell it needs a change?  My biggest clue was that I wasn't getting sore after the workouts and also that my weight has been staying the same and even dropping a bit- even with the increased calories.  So it's on to lifting super heavy 5-8 reps and boy did I feel that change up!  We did the first workout yesterday- shoulders and triceps and by the time we finished the shoulder portion and moved on to triceps I could barely lift my arms!  It lit the fire inside of me again!

My suggestion to those of you trying to put on size- get yourself a good coach!  You need someone to guide you in the right direction and someone to hold you accountable.  The "time off" can make or break your next competition season, so the more disciplined you are the better!  Give yourself a day to eat for fun, but the rest of week...eat to grow!

Bringing on the pain...Ouch!

Beginning of
leaning out 2011

I'm well into my muscle gaining plan and for some reason my body doesn't seem to be handling it as well as I'd hoped it would.  I'm getting stronger and lifting heavier but my body just seems to hurt all over.  I have aches and pains in places I didn't even know could hurt!  So I've started taking some joint supplements and stretching really good before workouts with the hopes that it'll help my body adjust to this new training regime. Not only are my workouts physically challenging, they've become mentally challenging as I feel that my body is fighting me on every rep.  Maybe it's over-training, maybe my body's just confused with all the hormones I seem to have flying around, or maybe I'm just being a wimp!  Whatever the issue is, it's really throwing a wrench into my plans!

For the last couple of years I've focused on trying not to gain any size so I wouldn't end up too muscular (especially for the figure category that I was competing in), but now the tables have turned and it's time for me to build some quality muscle, especially on my legs and glutes. Switching my goals means switching up my training, diet, and my general approach to weightlifting.  Over the past few seasons, I'd focused primarily on not gaining too much weight and just maintaining the amount of muscle I already had.  Now, my focus has become to push myself harder in the gym with heavier weights, fewer reps, and not supersetting exercises which kept my heart rate elevated. 

Off-season 2011

I love the awesome feeling of strength that weightlifting gives me, but watching my body change into a bulkier form of myself is really difficult.  My jeans are tight, I feel like I'm going to rip my shirts when I put them on, and to top it off I'm just a emotional roller coaster!  One minute I'm fine the next minute I'm ready to burst into tears over nothing...talk about hormonal issues!  I feel like I should be on medication or something to control my feelings, but instead I'm trying to just roll with the punches and focus on the positives.  So what are the positives of having this "off-season"?  I think I'd better list some to remind myself...

• I get a cheat day!  I get one day per week where I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. No more sitting with my fish and veggies while my husband eats Smashburger!
• I do way less cardio...Lord knows I hate cardio.
• I get to actually celebrate my anniversary, birthday, holidays, and go to parties without worrying about my diet plan and packing my food.
• I get to spend more time with my family and less time in the gym doing cardio, practicing posing, etc.
• I don't have anyone telling me how skinny I look (in clothes) or how thin my face looks.
• I don't have that tired, spaced out, feeling I get (especially when it's close to contest date) from eating a low calorie/low-carb diet.

Off-season 2012

After listing all these positives I must admit that I feel better about this whole putting on size thing.  I tell my clients to focus on the positive side of things that they find challenging- it's an important quality to have not only in this sport but in any journey.  Now it's time for me to take my own advice.  I've got to give my eyes some time to adjust to this new "figure" I see in the mirror and try appreciate it for what it is- an IFBB Professional Physique competitor in training for her biggest season yet in 2013!  After all, how many people can say that?  Plus, 13 is my lucky number anyways... ;-)
 

To gain or not to gain? A competitor's dilemma.

2011

Competitors are always looking forward to that first post-contest meal.  We think about it for weeks up to the show; planning where we want to go and what we're going to devour.  There's nothing like that first bite after being "deprived" of those fatty foods for months on end.  But after that first glorious post-contest meal what happens to your diet?...Especially if you're transitioning to the "off-season"?  Food is something that most competitors struggle with and I think that many of us get involved in contests to help gain control of our eating.  So now that the off- season is upon me, I start thinking about the most common question: How much weight should I allow myself to gain? 

2012

I am writing on this subject because I'm going through it as we speak.  I finished my season (pre-maturely) and now I'm struggling with the changes my body is going through.  Most competitors should avoid gaining a lot of weight after contest so they can get leaner for their next competition season.  In fact, we usually encourage our amateur competitors to only gain 7lbs (for women) to 15 lbs (for guys) after contest to keep them relatively lean throughout their off-season.  I think it's important to do that especially when a competitor has enough muscle but has trouble dieting down for shows.  That's what I did for 3 seasons and it really paid off.  I kept my off-season weight within 7 lbs of my contest weight and I went on stage lean and tight.  Getting on stage lean while maintaining my muscle size helped me to my earn pro card in the IFBB.

This season was different for me.  I went in 2 lbs lighter than last year and that was a big red flag!  I was lean, but small...smaller than last year.  After comparing my photos from 2011 and 2012, I can see the difference in my muscle size and density.  Being a natural athlete I don't have the advantage of gaining a lot of size in a small amount of time, so now it's time to change up my game plan.  I'm actually going to let myself put on some weight this year which honestly scares the s%$# out of me.  I've struggled with being overweight my entire adult life and getting on stage has been my motivation to keep me from eating myself out of house and home. 

off season 2011

Now that I have the rest of the season off, I have to change my focus from being stage- ready to just being healthy and fit; something I haven't had to do in over 5 years!  I told my husband this weekend that looking "normal" is a little scary for a competitor.  He responded to me by saying, "Babe, believe me, you won't look normal!  Your arms are not normal!"  Most women want to be skinny, but not me!  I began this sport because I love having muscle and feeling strong is awesome.  I'm going for that natural muscular look...so bring on the healthy eats!

To compete or not to compete....?

Last week I competed in the IFBB Pro Physique Grand Prix in LA and it was an eye opening experience for me.  When I competed last month, I had a disastrous first show.  I got on stage bloated and looking way too soft.  So with a few tweaks to my diet and cardio plan, I entered the Grand Prix with a competely different look and enthusiasm.  I went into that show hard, tight, and feeling really good.  My color looked great, my suit fit me so much better, and my posing was much more polished.  So, when I got the very last callout I was a bit thrown off.  I placed 8 out of 9 competitors at the Governor's Cup so I was really hoping to move up in the ranks this time.

I ended up placing 9th out of 16 beautiful girls.  All of us were shaped very differently, from smaller figure girls with less muscle to former bodybuilders with more size.  According to a reputable reporter in the industry, I pretty much disappeared on stage among this group of ladies.  At 5ft, 100 lbs, I just looked way too small compared to them.  Then, after speaking to the head judge and getting his feedback, he confirmed that I need to put on some more size- mostly in my legs. 

So here in lies the dilemma- do I continue to compete or take the rest of the season off to make improvements?  I think that every competitor (especially the natural ones) has to make a decision like this at one time or another.  In fact, I know some athletes that take off every other year to put on muscle.  As for me, I haven't taken a break from competing in 5 years because I was riding the waves of winning shows and pro cards.  But not even cracking the top 8 in this last contest when I was truly looking my best, caused me to re-evaluate my season plans.  With that in mind, I decided to play it smart, give my body a break from the dieting, and change up my workouts to focus on my leg development.  I think that giving me the rest of the year to improve will hopefully make for an incredible showing at my first contest next year.

The nature of this sport is making physical gains in the off-seasons to showcase your best physique come contest time.  Making the decision to take a little time off the contest circuit can be tough, but as a competitor you're never really resting...you're always hitting the weights hard and making the most of the time spent in and out of the gym.  As for me, I'm going to actually get to celebrate my 6th anniversary next month! I've been dieting every year for the past 5, so this year I'm going to actually order off of a menu and enjoy every bite!

So, while I may not be blogging about upcoming competitions and shows as much, I will be filling ya'll in on my workouts and progress!   Let's do this!

Show me the money...shot!

"Money shot!"...That's what my husband yells everytime I'm on stage and it's time to turn and hit my back pose.  It makes me smile every time I hear it because I know that he's my biggest fan...after all, he's helped me create my physique!  If you read my last blog then you know how my pro debut went a couple weeks ago. But, if you for some reason you didn't read it then I'll openly admit that I placed 8th out of 9 competitors at the Governor's Cup in Sacramento, Ca.  If I thought that competition was tough, then I'd better get ready for the 16 girl line up at the Grand Prix next weekend- including 2 past IFBB WPD contest winners.  

I recently read this quote by Josh Billings: "Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time."   How true is that statement...especially when it comes to physique competitions?  If you didn't place well, why would you go into the next contest looking the same?  There are so many times that I'll see competitors coming into shows looking identical to their past appearances, even though they placed at the bottom of their class!  That seems like such a waste of valuable competition prep time to me.  As competitors we go through months of resisting food temptations, late night or early morning cardio sessions when you'd rather be sleeping, and working out when you'd rather just watch a movie with your family.  To do this is tough enough...now imagine that you do all of this and then don't place well at your show because your diet or prep plan just didn't work that well for you?  It's frustrating to know you went into a show not looking your best and that can potentially be damaging to a competitor's spirit. But I decided after that morning show to not let it get me down.  I went back on stage that night and nailed my evening routine, bloated stomach and all.  In fact, I'm using that experience as motivation and fuel for my fiery spirit!  My mom always says that I'm like TNT- a lot of power in a tiny package!   

After placing so low in my first pro show, I couldn't wait to talk to the judges and get some honest feedback.  When you're leaning out for a show, your friends and family will all think you look great because they have no one to whom they can compare you.  But on the other hand, those judges have seen the best of the best- and that's what I strive to be.  Finding out exactly what I need to improve upon and then following that advice are the key components to me moving up in the ranks of this new division.   

So after talking to several of the judges I took their advice and ran with it!  I've been hitting that cardio hardcore (sometimes even twice a day) and my dieting has been on point so that when I present this new and hopefully improved package on stage next week I will know that I've truely done everything that I could in such a short period of time between shows.  Now, they did tell me that I could put on some muscle since I'm the smallest competitor in the division (100.6 lbs to be exact...and I'll probably be down to about 97 lbs by the end of next week) but me and my trainer/husband know that there's really no way for me to make any huge gains while dieting.  So, instead, I'm hoping to just look bigger by bringing in a tighter package.  I guess we'll see what they think!